And, somehow, here I am again.

Not exactly sure how to leave this place. Not Xanga, but this place in my life.
Depression is a drug that creeps up behind me and throws a bag over my head.
I cannot see, I cannot breathe, I can only exist before the last breath is exhaled.

Things are particularly bad right now.
And let me tell you, correcting all that’s gone wrong is like putting a bullet directly into my fucking brain.

Precisely. 

How awkward this is. You’re like an old friend, Xanga.
Although I deleted all of my old posts something like two years ago, this Xanga has been around since 2004 or 2005.
I used to write down all of my emotions and blahblahblah down in here. Then I moved to LiveJournal, then I moved to Tumblr.
If anybody is interested in reading any of my nonsensical blogs/poetry/scattered thoughts, please feel free to stalk me out on the internet and follow me at delugeofage.tumblr.com.

Love to you all.

xx

I am an idiot. A selfish one, at that.
A lot of stupid things happen to me and it makes me feel guilty to even explain..
I hate pushing someone over a limit to where they’re forced to lie to me to keep me from getting my feelings hurt.
What nice people, I guess?

I just… I can’t say it in any different way.
I might not even be making sense, but if you’re who I want to be reading this, you’ll probably get it.

I’m currently thinking of a few songs to match my emotion, but they’re all about different things.
I don’t even know anymore.. :/

Well, it wasn’t my total intention to start cleaning my rooms, but I was texting/aiming Josh and Nikki for hours and they both made me laugh like fuck, WHILE I was drinking a green tea which gives me lotsa energy… so here I am. Up all night, just cleaning and shit.

Wow. Alright, well I heard from my sister that Obama was ALREADY almost assassinated? What the FUCK? Is the whole world racist? Can’t even let the guy GET the presidency position and already trying to take it all away. I’m not too political, and I don’t even know who’s running with what fucking party, but I DO know that just because someone has a religious history that may not be agreed with by other shallow minded Americans, and JUST because he’s BLACK (dare I fucking SAY it), does NOT give anybody a right to fucking try and kill him. I’m done.

So, anyway. Nothing really too important on my mind, just thinking about when the Najor Productions Documentary’s coming out. I was supposed to be released around early October but so far, nothing. I emailed the director and he said it’s taking longer because everybody’s poor or something. Lmao.

I tried putting on some Halloween Makeup earlier with the latex glue and stuff.. Oh my fucking god, it took SO long to get it off my face. I had to peel it in hot fucking water and when that didn’t work, I ended up having to get a blistering hot wash rag and just rub my face like crazy. My face now is very, VERY oily, shiny and is still red. Hurts a little also.

Caitlin’s Way is SUCH a cute damn show. I miss watching it back when I was like 10ish. I’m glad they decided to air the reruns again. =D

I guess there’s nothing left to say, but I guess I’ll end this with I think I love Josh.

<3

So today was going to end up really boring and lame, until my mom woke me up around 11am to tell me I wasn’t going to school (lol). So then I see my phone blinking and notice I got a text from Joshhh. I tried to go back to sleep but we kept talking so I ended up getting up and taking a shower and got ready to hang out. We didn’t end up hanging out until around 2:30ish.. but we hung out at his park with Dane and a cool Jew dude and it was awesome.

Thennn (when I thought the day was over because Josh had to get to work at 5), he texts me saying he got off work (early as hell), and of course I asked to hang out. :] We ended up going to the.. “awesomest park ever” on the wrong side of the tracks, and we had lossa fun and talked and drank cherry juice and held hands. =]

Anyway, so it was really awesome because before a week ago I hadn’t even been talking to Josh. :]
Alll smiles. Anyway, so then we went to Starbucks and talked about how we knew people were gay, and then it was over and I got to take his hat home and it still smells like him, which is a really damn good smell.

Annnnnd now we’re texting back and fourth, and yeah. I really just love him. He’s awesome.

<333

Great mood. Peace.

Hey.
I deleted all my pervious posts because they were stupid and now I’m back posting to absolutely nobody, all because Myspace isn’t working. Like always.
So since I have no friends who care, or who are online right now, I’ll do my typical gay blog.

So, I hadn’t been going to school for a while because the teachers don’t help me out at all and I’m missing two English credits due to the retardness of the school system… and I finally went back yesterday. Usually the teacher nags me about why I hadn’t shown up before but this time I got tired of it and said I had to go to a funeral. She dropped the subject.

Anything else might involve:
1. Some guy is obsessed with me and has been… stalking me. Then got the WRONG implication when I mentioned….
2. Another guy is amazing: We’re getting uber closer. :]] (try to guess.) He’s really cute and gives good hugs AND his room smell owns my fucking face.
3. My original band: Getting back together, hung out with Daniel last week and he played some new stuff he wrote. We’re planning on writing a song making fun of hardcore punk rock. hahaha.
4. My new band: Not much progressive work even though I’ve only been to two practices. We’re only doing covers and to be honest we’re not too amazing at them.

And.. I don’t know.
I guess that’s it.
I’m really fucking annoyed right now though. My brother is singing at this high pitch which is giving me a headache and I’m pretty tired, still. (But I slept for hours and hours.)

Yeah.
I guess I’m pretty done with this blog.
Peace to people.
And if you actually read this, you should comment it so I know I’m not talking to myself… still. haha.